One friend who was always slimmer than me ended our friendship when I reached the same size as her
believe their sly digs were their way of getting me to eat more.
In fact, on some occasions when I was trying to lose weight, friends would buy me chocolates. I always put them straight in the bin, but would they give wine to an alcoholic?
I often found myself bursting into tears at home after a night out with them and eventually I confided in one new friend I’d made at my running club.
She said I didn’t have to put up with those comments and I needed to find a different ‘tribe’.
It was a real eye-opener. Three years ago, at 49, I started seeing a mindset coach. She helped me get to grips with setting ‘boundaries’ and realising that I’d been a people-pleaser for too long. I decided to cut off those who made me feel bad about myself.
There was no dramatic showdown; I just stopped calling them. I grieved over the loss of some of the women, but they were too toxic for me to take into the next part of my life.
Shortly afterwards, I met my now fiancé Paul, 52, who works in the civil service. My children, now 26 and 24, never comment on my size — I’m just ‘Mum’ to them — and my confidence is steadily growing.
It’s taken until now for me to admit that I do look good. I feel great and am finally happy with how I look.
And I no longer suffer fools. If someone says something like, ‘I do hope you’re eating tonight’, I’ll take them to task, asking if they meant to hurt my feelings. They often become defensive.
Today, I run a Facebook group with 1,300 members for those battling to lose weight. I aim to be that straight-talking friend I wish I’d had championing me on my weight-loss journey.
After all, I know what works — and that there are no cutting corners. These days, I weigh myself four times a year; I don’t fall into the trap of doing it daily in case a small weight gain triggers me to binge-eat.
Instead, I have a pair of telltale size 10 non-stretchy jeans to slip into and they are far more revealing than the scales.
Meanwhile, I point out to my members that, sadly, some friends will never do you any favours when you are trying to become the best version of yourself.
Today my social circle only includes those who’ve only ever known the size 10 Sarah-Jane.
I’m sure those former ‘friends’ would prefer the badly dressed, obese, people-pleaser back in their lives — if only to make themselves feel better. But that’s never going to happen.