Remember the mothers who have lost children like Saoírse

TOMORROW is a day that, for many people, is going to hurt. No matter if you don’t buy into the commercialism of it all, Mother’s Day is emotional, for myriad reasons.

Love and loss are so inextricably linked, and on a day like this both are felt at full velocity.

Children – both small and adult – may be missing a mother who has died. Women who are struggling to conceive, and yearn for a baby, are surrounded by this mainstream celebration, everywhere they turn. And still, they put on a smile and go to the family Sunday lunch, harbouring a secret heartache.

And then there is another cohort of women whose grief is quite simply unimaginable. These are the women who have birthed precious children, loved them unconditionally, cared for them delicately and protected them ferociously – only to lose them.

The death of a child is the hardest thing to contemplate – no, make that unimaginable.

In fact, it’s so against the natural order of life as we know it that there is no word in the English language for the parent of a child who has died. In an essay for Harper’s Magazine, American paediatrician and writer Perri Klass observed how for these people there exists ‘no equivalent of widow, widower, or orphan, even of fatherless or motherless... words denoting losses so grave that they assign people to new human categories.’

But then, the absence of such a word makes sense. How could you rename a parent? It would feel like a tragic relegation, this transfer into a club that nobody ever wants to join.

I am beyond grateful to not have been directly affected by such devastating loss, but I’m acutely aware that some mothers and, of course, fathers are.

In particular, I’m thinking of Roseanna and Ollie Ruane, whose beautiful, brave daughter Saoírse died last Tuesday.

By the age of 12, Saoírse had endured more physical pain and suffering than many people have in a lifetime.

If you were to imagine the physical hardship alone – her four-year battle with a rare form of bone cancer called osteosarcoma, resulting in her having her right leg amputated – it would make you question everything good about life. How can its cruelty be so arbitrary and meaningless?

But there’s another part to Saoírse’s tale, and it’s profoundly beautiful. It is documented by Roseanna on her Instagram account, @Saoírseandmamma – and if a story could be told with pictures, this Instagram grid chronicles a family’s deep, unwavering love. As soon as the country met Saoírse and Slush (a toy husky dog who accompanied her everywhere) in December 2020, we adored this quietly confident, engaging child.

Deep in the pandemic, we needed a beacon of hope. And there she was – battle scars from cancer adorned with the usual things an eight-year-old girl should be concerned with: shorn hair decorated with a glittery headband, a unicorn emblazoned on her prosthetic leg.

That night, Saoírse’s dreams came true – of being on the Toy Show, walking on her new leg by Christmas (she demonstrated this proudly) and a golden ticket for a family holiday.

HER story was tragic, but ultimately, it had hope – and love – at its core. This gorgeous child made us realise that joy is always there somewhere. And her presence inspired a national movement of generosity.

That night, the first Toy Show Appeal was launched and more than €6million was donated in a matter of hours. Since then, more than €17.5million has been raised by the annual appeal.

Since 2020, we got to know Saoírse, who continually battled against cancer with four diagnoses. Surrounded by the love of her family, she packed in as much as she could.

Hers was a life that, despite the darkness, was filled with light. From playtimes with her gorgeous little sister Farrah Rose, to training ‘that last piece of the jigsaw’ – the family’s puppy, Bernese Mountain Dog Willow – everywhere Saoírse went, love followed.

And while she may indeed have achieved many great milestones – Grand Marshal at the St Patrick’s Day parade in Galway, youngest-ever recipient of the Galway People of the Year Award, and being part of charity single Sing For Saoírse – you know that it was her mere existence that meant the most to her beloved parents. Saoírse’s health battle was public, meaning we were all taken on the Ruanes’ journey of highs and lows. Undoubtedly, this sharing will have been challenging, but by letting us in, the Ruanes will have helped so many families in similar situations to know that they are not alone.

On hearing that Saoírse’s cancer had returned last December, Roseanna did the one thing that could make her child happy by making her ‘one and only request on hearing this heartbreaking news’ – she put up the Christmas tree.

Last July, on her birthday, Roseanna posted a picture of herself with her daughters, stating that she was ‘the luckiest Mamma in the whole world’. And the world is lucky to have mothers – and daughters – like Roseanna and Saoírse, who prove that love is in fact contagious. Saoírse, go n-éirí an bóthar leat.