IS IT NOW EASIER OR HARDER TO BE A MUM?
As we celebrate mothers everywhere tomorrow, a new report reveals young people are more stressed than ever. With ten children between them, we ask our intrepid columnists...
TOMORROW is Mother’s Day, when we get to celebrate the women who make it all possible. While all over the country mums will be spoilt, getting breakfast in bed and receiving flowers and chocolates in thanks for all their love, the truth is motherhood can be a tough journey.
In fact, it may be the most natural and, equally, the most difficult job in the world. It seems that conflicting and ever-changing advice and guidance from all corners means navigating parenthood today is possibly the most stressful it’s ever been.
Research revealed last week that young people were more likely to experience a mental disorder than any other age group — a ‘complete reversal’ to 20 years ago, when they were least likely.
Here, we speak to three top Irish Daily Mail columnists and mothers of millenials and Gen X children, who share the lessons they’ve learnt over the years. Read on for advice on managing motherhood and, ultimately, raising happy young people.
You CAN be a parent and a friend
MY parents, like most of their generation, were quite hands-off compared to how we are with our kids. They didn’t know what subjects we were doing for our Leaving Cert, parent/teacher meetings weren’t a thing, and I don’t remember them having any real input into college choices or anything like that.
So we were kind of reared earlier than kids are now. I had left college and was working at 18 and paying my way at home — unheard of today. But I think I took some of that from them — I’m not nearly as helicopter-y around my kids as most parents are because I definitely benefitted from being given independence at 18.
I’m not convinced kids today are any less resilient than we were. Mental health and social struggles just weren’t really acknowledged when I was growing up but they were still widespread and I lost friends and peers to suicide. Bear in mind, when I was growing up, being gay was still a crime.
Parenting in the modern world might seem more challenging but it’s really just because being kinder and fairer takes more energy. I think we measure success in our children by how happy they are, whereas before, it tended to be measured in career milestones and getting married.
I was very lucky in that smartphones weren’t really a thing when my kids were children and teenagers. Cyberbullying wasn’t an issue in our house and (so far) they’ve taken social media in their stride.
My kids had to navigate their parents divorcing, which was something my own generation rarely encountered. That was a challenge for their dad and for me but I think we all came through it without too many battle scars.
What I would have done differently, without any doubt, is I wouldn’t have sent my eldest to school at four. She was too young, she wasn’t ready and I didn’t have the experience to know not to send her. I relied on the advice of others, I shouldn’t have.
I don’t think it’s more difficult to be a parent today. We have so much information, so many resources and so much more access to support than our parents ever did. That said, we are way more involved in our children’s lives so that does make for its own challenges.
I don’t think it’s harder to be a teenager today — when I was a teenager, gay men and all women were on the back foot in so many areas. Gender identity was not something that could even be imagined, let alone explored. We also had far less money. That said, we didn’t care about our teeth, our lashes or our nails. I think being a teenager today is a lot more highmaintenance and that’s not always a good thing. My advice for new mothers is this: tomato sauce stains will come out of most things if they’re line-dried in direct sunlight, but chocolate won’t come out of anything.
Also, don’t believe the biggest hoax of motherhood: that you can’t be your children’s parent and their friend. You can. It has been the greatest privilege of my life to have my children as friends and my greatest honour that they have chosen me as their friend too.
As adults, I hope they find happiness, health, a home they can afford and that A Certain One Of Them stops f ****** vaping. They know who they are.’