MY ILL SISTER IS SO NASTY TOWARDS ME

Dear Coleen

First of all, I’m very sorry to hear that your sister Linda is ill again. I also have a sister who is 21 years older than me – I’m 60 and she’s 81. She’s had a long history of ill health. First she had bowel cancer in 2008 then four years later she developed lung cancer and had chemo and radiotherapy. Last year she had to have a hip replacement. Now the cancer is back and she’s been in hospital since February. The thing is, she is very negative and aggressive, and has said some nasty things to me when all I do is try to help, and I’ve had enough now. Her sons see her as an inconvenience and my other sister is in the US, while my brother is in New Zealand, so they can’t help. I also looked after my own mum who had a brain tumour and dementia and now just want to look after myself. What’s your advice?

Coleen says

It sounds as if you’ve done a fantastic job and put your own life on hold, so naturally you feel unappreciated. I also understand your sister’s anger and bitterness, fighting serious illness for years. My sister Linda is very positive, but she’s angry, too, and that anger can be good if you use it the right way because it makes you fight. Sometimes, as in your sister’s case, you take it out on other people. I don’t think you should turn your back completely on her – I think you’d regret that when she does pass away. If you can bear it, keep up the visits, but stand up for yourself. Point out that you’re the only one there so she can have a little bit of respect for you and you can spend some nice time together or you’ll walk away. Making your point once might be enough to force her to think about her behaviour and all the things you do for her. Good luck to both of you.