I MISS OLD LIFE AFTER BIG MOVE

Dear Coleen

My fiancé and I are getting married in five months and we recently moved 150 miles from my home town where we met. I had a fantastic job there and we had good salaries. We moved when he got into the police force. I struggled to find a job because I can’t drive and there wasn’t a lot for my skill set. I now have a job, but the money is far less than before and I can’t help missing home and my old job. I’m hoping to go back down south in two years but he loves his job. My main issue right now is his shifts. The sleepless, lonely nights are killing me. I have never felt so sleep deprived ever! Plus, his sleep patterns are messed up and we don’t see each other. I miss him and I miss normal life. Do you have any advice?

Coleen says

Moving any distance, whether it’s 150 miles or 2,000 miles, takes at least a year before you start to feel settled. Feeling homesick is normal – when I moved to live in London it took a couple of years to feel at home. When you’re sleep deprived, everything seems worse, so I would think about how you tackle that. There are self-help things you can try – a relaxing wind-down routine, writing down any worries before you go to sleep, avoiding food and drink too close to bedtime and so on. I think it would also help you psychologically to have a goal – say to yourself, you’re going to stick it out for 12 months, then if you’re still unhappy after that you’ll have to put your heads together and think again. And say this to your fiancé, too. Things can turn around – my two best friends moved to LA and in the first 18 months one of them struggled and now he can’t imagine coming home. You’re only 150 miles away – it’s pretty easy to visit. But you also have to make the effort to get to know people where you’re living – that will make a huge difference.