MY GIRL, 18, LIVING WITH MAN, 65

Dear Coleen

My daughter, who turned 18 in February, has moved in with a 65-year-old man. She wouldn’t tell anyone where she was or who she was with at first. She told friends they had feelings for each other. When I found out where she was, she denied saying this. The man seems happy for rumours to be spread about them. I’ve recently found out he served 16 years in prison for shooting someone when he was younger. My daughter claims she is living with him to get her own place as the council won’t rehouse if she is living at home. I’m worried sick as I can’t do anything about it because of her age. She refuses point blank to come home to me, her dad or any other family members.

Coleen says

This is a parent’s nightmare, but she’s 18 and legally an adult, so you can’t make her come home. Yes, it’s unsavoury – what can a 65-year-old guy possibly have in common with an 18-year-old girl? But rather than being angry with her, try a different approach. Tell her that while you’re obviously not happy about this arrangement because you think she deserves better, you love her and will welcome her home any time. If she has a roof over her head, it was her decision to leave home and she doesn’t have a medical condition, then I don’t think the council will regard her as a priority. I think she’s telling you one story and her friends another because she expects you to go nuts if she admits to having feelings for this man. So don’t alienate her by doing that – you want to keep the door open. Make it clear you’ll always be there to support her and that includes helping her to find a home of her own if that’s what she really wants.