LONELY BUT I CAN’T ADMIT THAT I’M GAY

Dear Coleen

I’m a 51-year-old gay guy and life seems to be running away from me. After seven years together, my partner decided to end our relationship and go off with his best friend. That was more than two years ago and I still can’t find another guy to share my life with. Unfortunately, due to our split I had to move in with my parents, as I can’t afford to live alone. On top of this I’m not “out” to anyone as this would be impossible both at home and work. I’ve tried dating sites and lost a stone in weight, but still no luck. I am a shy person. Any advice?

Coleen says

Even if you’re feeling good about yourself and you do meet someone, you’ll still have another massive hurdle in the way because you haven’t come out and your new partner will have to stay a secret. I think coming out is the first thing you should do and it’s never too late. I realise it’s a big thing and it has to be your decision, but think about the joy and relief of being able to have a relationship you can be free with. I think you’ll struggle to meet anyone who wants to be kept a secret. You don’t say if this was an issue for your ex, but perhaps he became tired of sneaking around and not being able to live his life the way he wanted to. In terms of your family, you have to trust that they love you. They might even know, but don’t want to bring it up because they assume you don’t want to talk about it. Will people be shocked? Some will, but others won’t. It’s a hard thing to confront, but I do think it would give you so much more freedom when it comes to dating.