Celeb chain gang gives hours of fun
THE best thing about events that take place in the celebrity world is that even the most boring ones can be enjoyed, if you just put a tiny bit of effort in.
Over the weekend, Australian singer Delta Goodrem (so bland she’s practically a hologram) and Seal (maybe in the 90s, but not now thanks) – were linked as a couple again. This story, featuring two people most of us don’t even care enough about to dislike is totally unremarkable, then... apart from the fact it gives us a joyous gift. The chance to imagine Heidi Klum and Kerry Katona being forced to make awkward small talk – something that could legitimately happen in real life as they are now forever connected. Kerry was married to Brian Mcfadden, who was engaged to Delta, who is now reportedly going out with Seal, who was married to Heidi Klum. And then suddenly you realise there actually isn’t really that much distance between the Z-list and the A-list after all. See: Exhibit A, Heidi, who must be unaware of the shopping trolleys career killer curse, and Exhibit B, the last public sighting of Tracy Shaw. Finding a link between unlikely celebrities is not only a good game to play on a long car journey, it can also bring you genuine pleasure. Especially if you imagine that anyone you connect has to spend Christmas together from now on...
Jolie ¬ Jordan
Angelina used to be Brangelina with Brad Pitt, Brad previously dated Sinitta, Sinitta used to go out with Simon Cowell, who had a fling with Dannii Minogue, who was engaged to Jacques Villeneuve, who is a racing driver just like Ralf Schumacher, who went out with Katie Price aka Jordan.
Liam Fox MP ¬ Margaret Thatcher
Back in the mists of time, lucky Liam dated Natalie Imbruglia, Natalie went out with David Schwimmer, who was linked to S Club 7 luggage Tina Barrett who dated Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst, who used to be the boyfriend of Geri Halliwell, who said, at the height of her fame that the original Spice Girl was Margaret Thatcher.
Samantha Womack ¬ Samantha Womack
Former Eastender Sam’s cousin is Calum Best, who has dated most women in the known universe (and ‘dated’ is a very polite word for it) but included in those is Alicia Douvall. Alicia went out with Mick Hucknall, Mick was linked to Martine Mccutcheon (insert infamous vomit in dreadlocks story here) and Martine used to be in Eastenders, just like Sam Womack.
Brian Cant ¬ Brian Cant
The late, great Brian Cant’s sisterin-law is Fern Britton, whose dad was actor Tony Britton, who played the father of Nigel Havers in sitcom Don’t Wait Up. Havers is the godfather of Jack Whitehall whose other godfather is Richard Griffiths (who was in Pie in the Sky with Sam Womack... wrong section) whose parents were deaf, as was Noel Coward’s mother. Coward was witness at the wedding of Ian Fleming who created James Bond, first played by Sean Connery who played Robin Hood on screen just like Russell Crowe, who was married to Danielle Spencer whose dad is Don Spencer who was in Play School with... Brian Cant.
There’s not much between the Z-list and A-list