Brownied off by Nigella’s no-fun cooking

If Nigella Lawson’s emergency brownies are anything to go by, I’d hate to have to rely on her in a genuine crisis.

By my calculations, you’re looking at an hour’s wait – at the very least.

You have to track down and mix your ingredients and wait for the oven to get up to the right temperature before you can put them in to bake.

Even after all that, Nigella then advises setting them aside for a further 20 to 30 minutes to cool down properly.

Yeah, thanks, Nigella.

Reckon I might just stroll down to the 24-hour garage instead. I’d be there and back in 20 minutes – even in my slippers.

Either that or I’d sit tight for five minutes and wait for the craving to pass. Or have a biscuit.

Of course, in the interests of making sumptuous TV shows and shifting some cook books, Nigella would rather make a fuss.

And although her new BBC2 series does look amazing on screen, it’s hard not to mutter “who could be bothered doing all that?” pretty much all the way through it.

Lighting the six million fairy and tea lights in her house would be a fulltime job in itself.

Honestly, if I ever went round hers for dinner, I think I’d find the temptation to put the big light on for a laugh too

Nigella hard to resist. As for poaching the perfect egg, I’m afraid I gave up the minute she suggesting sieving the white in a tea strainer. For a start, I’m not really that bothered about having stringy white bits.

Plus, her method takes away the elation you feel on those rare occasions you do fluke a perfect white dome.

I can’t help thinking Nigella’s quest for perfection takes all the fun out of cooking. I liked her see-through toaster though, Santa.