HE SHUNS ME OVER WHAT I TOLD SISTER

Dear Coleen

For the past 18 months I’ve had a really hard time at work because of a comment I made to a colleague’s sister in the workplace.

He was my mate before this happened and it was never my intention to cause any harm or upset, and I have since apologised to his sister. However, neither he nor the rest of his family have ever let me forget this.

He blanks me, walks past me at work or in public like I’m a complete stranger and it has badly affected me when we’re on shift together.

He’s also blocked me on social media, and I dread staff dos in case he’s there, too. I hate feeling like this and feel I shouldn’t have to be reminded of what I did every time I see him in or out of work. It’s making me feel uncomfortable most of the time. What can you advise?

Coleen says

You don’t mention what you said to his sister, but it’s something bad enough for him and his entire family to be upset, and naturally they’re going to support their relative. I think you just have to accept that this friendship is done. You also have to own what you did, learn from it and move on.

He’s obviously happy to carry on at work and just ignore you, so you have to do the same really. If it’s not impacting on your work, then I’m not sure there’s anything you can really do about it.

We’ve all worked with people we don’t get on with or disagree with, but you just have to be professional about it.

I think a lot of what you’re feeling might be guilt and embarrassment, but you’ve apologised and that’s all you can do. You can’t force someone to get over something or be friends with you. Even if you did get to the point of being polite to each other, I think you have to accept you won’t have the friendship you once had.