WILL THEY TAKE MY BABY AWAY?

Dear Coleen

I’m 21 years old and currently pregnant with my second child. I’m in a new relationship and have a stable job. When I was 17, though, I got pregnant and had a little girl. The relationship I was in was toxic and resulted in my baby being taken off me, and it still hurts so much.

My daughter is now adopted and I want her to know that I love her so much, and didn’t want this to happen. I’m grieving for someone who is still alive and I don’t believe things should have escalated to the point where my baby was removed.

Now, I’m scared social services are going to take this baby too. I informed them of my second pregnancy and they want involvement.

How can I keep my cool?

Coleen says

Unless it was a closed adoption, there is usually a contact plan in place to enable a link between birth families and adopted children. This can be via letters or even face to face.

It’s worth asking social services about this. I would also suggest getting in touch with Tusla, the child and family support agency. The website has good information on adoption support that may be of use to you (www.tusla.ie. Phone: 01 771 8500).

As for your worries over your current pregnancy, social services would only remove a child if there’s very clear evidence they’re at risk of significant harm and there’s a court order in place, too.

Again, Tusla has useful info and advice.

I understand your worries, but you seem to be in a far better place now. Rather than be defensive, show them your circumstances have changed and you’ve grown up and learnt from your mistakes.

Involve them in a helpful way and share your fears with them, too. Ultimately, they want to keep a child within their family.

Get a support network around by involving your relatives too.