He won’t leave wife until their daughter grows up
Dear Coleen
I’m married and love my husband but I’m not in love with him. We get on very well and he’ll do anything for me, but I’m having an affair with a colleague and have been for over a year now.
I’m in love with him and it’s amazing, but he won’t leave his wife. She’s American and they have a daughter together. He worries that if they break up she will go back to the US with their daughter and he won’t see much of her, which would devastate him (this happened with his first wife).
He’s such a hands-on dad that I fully understand this.
He also worries that his wife would take a lot of his money when he’s only just got back to being comfortable after splitting with his first wife.
I believe he’s in love with me and I understand his reasons, but I would break up my home for him.
Am I mad to wait until his daughter gets older and hope he leaves then? Will he want to do that when he’s edging towards retirement and could risk losing some of his comfortable life? He’s been honest that he won’t even consider leaving until his daughter is grown up.
Coleen says
Yes, I think you are mad. I don’t know why you’d want to put your life on hold based on a vague notion that he might leave his wife when his daughter is legally an adult.
If it’s not right with your husband, then sort it out. I feel you’re staying with him in case this guy dumps you.
You can’t help it if you fall out of love with someone, but at least have the guts to say it’s not working and do something about it.
Either make a conscious effort to put your marriage back on track – or leave. Even if it didn’t work out with your lover, you’d still be unfulfilled in your relationship and probably liable to start another affair.
As for this other guy, he’s on his second marriage and being unfaithful again. He doesn’t sound like someone you should be putting your faith in.