I PUSH MEN AWAY WHEN WE GET CLOSE

Dear Coleen

I’m a 24-year-old woman who’s never been in a serious relationship. Whenever I become close to men and I know it’s getting serious, I push them away and lose all feeling for them.

All my friends are in serious relationships and I feel quite excluded. I’m currently getting to know a man who’s a few years older and I’m not physically attracted to him, but I get jealous if he’s out with other women. Does this mean I like him? What’s your take on it?

Coleen says

You obviously have some kind of fear of commitment and put the brakes on when some proper investment is required.

I don’t know why that is – maybe counselling would help you uncover the reasons.

But you’re only 24 so I wouldn’t panic just yet. Perhaps you just don’t feel ready for that kind of relationship and that’s OK. You can still date men as long as you’re upfront that you’re not looking for anything serious.

As far as the older guy goes, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

You say you’re not really interested in him sexually, so you can’t complain if he dates other women. Maybe you do like him, but won’t allow yourself to admit it.

If you end up dating then just be honest that you’re only looking for something casual and see how it goes. But you will have to accept that he’ll probably take you at your word and won’t see the relationship as exclusive.