HE’S A DAD BUT WON’T GROW UP

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for four years and we have two very young children together.

I recently moved out as he was more bothered about being with his friends than with us. He’s 36 and I’m 21.

Recently, I found out he’d taken an 18-year-old girl to a hotel when I was desperately trying to contact him as one of our children was ill.

I thought we just needed a break in order for him to grow up, which he still hasn’t done. How can I forgive him for doing this when we were supposed to be trying to work on our relationship?

He says he loves me but I couldn’t do that to someone I truly loved.

Coleen says

It looks like he’s still not ready to grow up at 36 and take his responsibilities seriously.

You’re clearly more mature at 21 than he is. The thing is, he might be one of those people who never grows up, however old he gets.

You’ve done the hard bit by moving out and are obviously coping OK. I’d tell him it’s over between you and all you want from him is to be a good father and help to support your kids financially.

Yes, it might eventually make him realise that he does want to be with you and the kids, but don’t put your life on hold for him.

You’ve proven you can be on your own and are a great mum. At 21, you have plenty of time to meet someone fabulous in the future.

Just resist the temptation to use the children as weapons to hurt him – it’s the easiest thing to do when you feel let down.