A true love sent to me.. 5 gold bikes

The most remarkable thing about

The World’s Most Expensive Presents was not how incredibly generous/ gullible rich people can be.

It was how Channel 4, a) managed to retrieve my wife’s Christmas list from my shredder and b) put it back together in full. I’m joking, of course. There’s no way I’d leave such a thing to chance. I made sure I torched the shreds and buried the ashes.

You had to marvel at the gifts people were willing to splash out on. It was like a blinged-up version of Harry Enfield’s Saw You Coming shop sketches from Harry & Paul.

If you were looking for genuine gift ideas you were probably better off sticking with Pip Schofield’s more affordable offerings over on ITV.

Still, it was nice to have a gawp at how the other half lives. You were either laughing at the thought of someone having to wrap a £250,000, 24-carat gold-plated bicycle on Christmas Eve or shaking your head at the profligacy and injustice of it all.

The fact that some of the presents here were clearly designed with nothing more than vulgar showing off in mind was slightly galling.

But I am not about to deny a filthy rich dog owner the pleasure of dressing their pet in a £40,000 diamond-encrusted ball gown.

I do, however, reserve the right to hope the pooch will cock its leg the second the frock is on.