I blame pushy parents for my lack of direction
Dear Coleen
I am turning 27 in a few months, and I’ve never had a professional job. I have a feeling that the problem is my parents. I don’t talk to them any more, although I still live with them.
It took me five years to complete my bachelor’s degree and then my parents were obsessed with me pursuing a master’s degree.
I knew that wasn’t the right choice, but my parents were confusing me. They always wanted me to achieve more than my potential, even though I tried to reason with them.
They refused to understand my capabilities and limitations – I don’t know whether it’s a pride thing or just the fact they’re narcissistic.
I’ve had a few small part-time jobs, which I never told my parents about, but didn’t get paid much, so couldn’t save money to leave home and live independently. To cut a long story short, I’m now staying in higher education for another two years. Meanwhile, my friends have all graduated and are on the career ladder. I’m struggling to understand whose fault it is – my parents or mine.
Coleen says
You have got to get over blaming them. Yes, they’ve probably gone about things in the wrong way, but their reasons for pushing you were probably simply to do with wanting the best for you and giving you the best chances in life. Rather than dwelling on whose fault it is, think about moving forward and make a plan to help you achieve what you want.
Digging your heels in and not talking to your parents is immature and it doesn’t help any of you.
So, decide what it is you want to do from this point on and tell them. If that means leaving your course and looking for an interim job, then do and let them see that you are happy. If they turn round and say, “But you could have been a barrister or a doctor or whatever”, then say, “Maybe, but I wouldn’t have been happy”.
You have to stop being at loggerheads. Sit down and explain calmly how you’re feeling – that you feel pressured into doing what they want, even though it won’t make you happy and it’s not what you want to do. Be honest and admit that you’re still not sure what it is exactly that you want to do, but you’re prepared to get a job to tide you over until you do decide.
Giving them the silent treatment is not the way to go about things.
Having a mature discussion will give them confidence that you do know your own mind and, hopefully, they’ll loosen the apron strings and let you decide what’s best for you.