ALWAYS DO XMAS WITH HER FAMILY

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my girlfriend for four years and we have a really good relationship. However, every year she refuses to spend Christmas with my family, using the excuse that hers live miles away, so we don’t see them much, plus she’s an only child.

I understand those reasons, but my mum gets upset that she never sees me over the holidays. I’ve suggested alternating, so one year we see her family and the next we see mine. She just won’t compromise or even discuss it, though. Any advice?

Coleen says

OK, well if she won’t have a reasonable discussion about it, then why not suggest that you spend Christmas with your folks, she can visit hers, then you’ll get together again for the New Year celebrations?

I know she’s an only child, but her parents actually might be pretty reasonable if she suggested alternate years – I’m sure they’d have empathy with your parents and understand they’d like to see their son over Christmas sometimes.

The thing is, if you’re in this relationship for the long haul, then compromise is key to a happy future. It’s not good enough for her to just say no and expect that to be the end of the discussion.

Christmas has always been a big deal in my family and until we had families of our own, my brothers and sisters all came together at my parents’ house to spend the holiday together. But when partners and other families start to get involved, there needs to be some give and take.