BABYSITTING REFUSAL HAS CAUSED RIFT

Dear Coleen

A few weeks ago, I turned down an invitation from my brother and his wife to go to a cottage for the weekend with them and their four kids. They’d offered to pay for my boyfriend and me to travel down there, but I know it was because they were looking for babysitters. It was also in the run-up to Christmas so we had stuff on with friends.

Since then, she’s been really off with me, which seems immature, yet I’m the one who’s 27 while she’s nearly 40. She hasn’t thanked me for my younger nephew’s birthday present and she turned me down when I offered to take him to the zoo as a special treat, saying he wouldn’t like it, which is rubbish.

I’m now a bit worried that she’s going to stop me seeing my niece and nephews just because I dared to say no to babysitting for a weekend.

How can I tell her she’s being unreasonable without making her even more annoyed?

Coleen says

Stop ignoring it and just be upfront. The next time you’re together with the family, just drop into conversation something along the lines of, “I hope you didn’t mind that we turned down the weekend away, but we had things planned with friends”.

There is absolutely nothing unreasonable about this and by addressing the issue with her it shows you’re mature and sensible – unlike the way she’s behaving.

Personally, I don’t think she’ll keep you from the kids for long – anyone with four children needs all the help they can get and it would be foolish of her to cut off an important source of babysitting!

And where’s your brother in all of this? Why not have a quiet word in his ear?

Good luck.