10 easy steps to really find the New You this New Year

IT’S the same every New Year’s Eve. You swear you’re finally going to stick to your resolution, only to fall at the first hurdle. But not this time... Self-help expert Dr Pam Spurr reveals how to really make a change and stick to it. o you’re planning to lose some weight, discover your confident side, or dampen down your temper in 2018? Good luck – because one survey found 80% of us dumped our New Year’s resolutions in January.

With so many people desperate to discover their “new selves”, why do they give up on making changes?

First, they try to achieve too much with sweeping resolutions. Vowing you’ll never argue with your partner again is near impossible to achieve.

But vowing you’ll learn to recognise when you must raise an issue with them is manageable.

Second, people start with a negative attitude, seeing the changes they’re striving for as a punishment – I have to give up cigarettes, they groan – rather than going for a change with obvious payoffs.

And third, the whole “New Year, new you” message can feel a bit clichéd, full of potentially unreachable expectations. It’s easy to figure: there’s no way this is going to work so I’ll stop now.

But, armed with the right attitude, January’s the perfect time for a fresh start. Here are 10 steps to help you achieve your goals:

SWhere’s your self-esteem at?

Start by boosting it and you’ll achieve more change. Feeling good within yourself means you want to look after yourself and reach that New Year goal. Focus on what loved ones say about you – that you’re kind, loving, funny, etc.

Every day, close your eyes and visualise them telling you these things. Research shows you absorb such positive messages by visualising and thinking them through. Definitely dump false modesty about acknowledging these good traits! When setting a goal, does your inner monologue start: I can’t manage this, I’ll fail, etc? It’s crucial to reaching your goals. Research shows it becomes a self-fulfilling cycle. Challenge it and switch it to: I’ll break this into manageable bits, I’ll do my best each day! Having a clear vision of your goal has been shown to optimise reaching it. Saying you want to “move up the ladder at work” is far too vague. Choosing to take a skills-training course, which will help your career, is focused. Also think-in-ink. Put pen to paper or list on your laptop bullet points to take action to reach this goal. Steps such as discovering whether your firm might pay for training, or talking to your manager about what the best training would be. Do you constantly think along these lines: I’ll be happy when X, Y or Z happens. Such as when you get a better job, find a partner, etc. FDH means you neglect what you already have that will help you change your life. You overlook fledgling skills, helpful people, random opportunities, etc. Daily, challenge thoughts that “you’ll be happy when”.

Focus on strengths/skills you have that can be built on from today. Another reason people dump vows to change is the toxicity around them. You’re trying to eat well, but your partner prepares big plates of comfort food. Sometimes it’s innocent sabotage of your efforts. Other times people are “toxic”, wanting you to stay as you are. Turn down that plate of junk food, etc, with a simple line: that doesn’t fit in with my changes. Maybe you’re single and hoping you’ll find that perfect partner in 2018. It’s fantastic to believe you’re worthy of love. But honestly analyse your love-goals.

Does your checklist of qualities the perfect man must have put Orlando Bloom to shame? As with any goal you have, they must be realistic. In this instance, definitely expect a new partner to be respectful and kind but dump expectations they’ll be over six foot.

Check your inner monologue

Define the actual goal you have

Beware of ‘future-dependent’ happiness (FDH)

People start with a negative attitude rather than going for a change with obvious payoffs

Set boundaries on toxic people

Discard complete fantasies

Boost your brain-power

Reaching new goals is a performance, and research shows the brain needs to be in tip-top shape for maximum performance. Don’t use a calculator to do simple sums, put the mental effort in. Memorise phone numbers instead of lazily tapping them into your mobile. Instead of checking your social media, grab time to do a mental puzzle.

Download brain-stimulating Mozart to mix with your club tunes. Going abroad? Learn a few key language phrases.

Don’t delay, start today

Taking a small step today is better than thinking: I can’t achieve everything I planned today so I’ll do it tomorrow. Accomplishing one tiny task in the grand scheme of your goal boosts your confidence to continue. You won’t feel you’ve totally wasted the day. Being ready for action and changing your life requires clear thinking. There’s psychological evidence that streamlining your office and personal spaces improves productivity. And it makes you feel better!

You don’t have to buy the whole feng-shui thing, but allocate a couple of two-three hour blocks in your forward planner to begin decluttering your home/office.

Clear the clutter, clear your mind

Research shows us laughter helps your wellbeing by boosting endorphins, a “feelgood” chemical.

Becoming too pre-occupied with new goals could set you back. You need mental breaks, so regularly watch comedies or share laughs with friends.

Choose a comedy photo of you doing something daft to put somewhere it’ll remind you not to get too serious. Laugh at yourself if things go wrong. Resist beating yourself up over slip-ups while forging the new you. Those slip-ups are a learning experience.

■■Dr Pam’s on Twitter @Drpamspurr

Laughter really is the best medicine