DAUGHTER’S WEDDING WAS PUT ON HOLD

Dear Coleen

My daughter, who’s 28, has been with her partner since they were at secondary school. They’ve lived together for a few years and set a date for their wedding in June.

My husband and I gave them money towards it and preparations were going full steam ahead, but then it was called off out of the blue because he said he wasn’t 100% sure. He’s now talking about postponing until spring 2019 and my daughter seems to be going along with it.

I don’t trust him any more and I’m worried for her. What if he pulls the same stunt when the next wedding date gets closer?

I don’t think he wants to get married at all and all this is just an elaborate way of telling her that and postponing the inevitable. I’m really worried – please advise.

Coleen says

Perhaps he thinks he’s missed out and is worried about committing to marriage when, by the sounds of it, he’s only ever been with one woman. But, whatever his reason, it’s not fair to keep your daughter hanging on if he has no intention of going through with the marriage.

If they’ve never been apart in all these years, then it might be helpful to take a break from the relationship. They can experience what it’s like not to be together and see if marriage is still what they both want.

It’s better to deal with it now rather than after they’re married when it’s harder to walk away and there might be children involved.

And, as upsetting as this has been for your daughter, I think her fiancé was right to call it off if he’s not sure – he could have walked down the aisle with doubts and your daughter needs to know that when she marries him, he’s doing it for the right reasons.

The wrong reason would be to get married just because they’ve been dating for so long.