I’M SO ANGRY ABOUT HIS AFFAIRS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for 47 years and for the first 15 of them my husband had affairs. There were also other indiscretions.

At the time, I was raising our children so I stayed in the marriage. Naturally, I was very upset but I tried to put it behind us.

Now, 30 odd years later at the age of 66, I feel so angry. What he did feels more horrendous now than it did at the time!

I feel angry that I now have to look after a 70-year-old man who was never really a good husband.

But I can’t understand why this has come back to haunt me at this late stage in my life when we should be enjoying our retirement together? I just feel so resentful.

Please help me. I don’t know the best way to deal with these horrible feelings.

Coleen says

I think it’s because you didn’t deal with those feelings at the time and it’s only now that they’re flooding out.

You were always so busy raising kids and juggling a hundred other things so it was easier to ignore his behaviour and lock away your anger.

Now you have time to reflect. It’s just the two of you and perhaps you’re questioning whether you want to spend your retirement with your husband.

You could talk to him – you probably have lots of unanswered questions about why he did it – but you have to accept that you might not get any answers and it might not make you feel any better.

I think counselling would be a good idea to help you process the past and decide what you