WIFE DOESN’T WANT DAD TO LIVE WITH US

Dear Coleen

My dad wants to come and live with me and my family, but my wife isn’t keen on the idea. He’s in his early 70s and not in the best of health, and he’s suggested using the funds from the sale of his house to convert an old building in our garden into a residence for him.

I actually think it’s a good idea (we get on well and our kids love him), but I think my wife is worried about how it might affect our life as a family and our freedom in the long term.

I’m not sure how to solve this one as I can see both sides and feel stuck in the middle.

What do you think?

Coleen says

I can see both sides too. I think what you have to do is break it down and look into every aspect of the situation – from how disruptive the work will be, to what happens when your father needs more support at home or becomes ill and so on.

On the plus side, the accommodation is separate, so you’ll have your own space and won’t be under each other’s feet.

Write down all the pros and cons, and then discuss it as a family, but ask your wife to keep her mind open. I think much of her reaction is down to fear, which is why it’s important to look at all the potential scenarios and how you’d deal with them. That might be enough to alleviate her fears.

Personally, I think it sounds like a good idea and could benefit you all. I wish more people would consider an option like this – we don’t look after our elderly very well in this country.