Irish Daily Mirror - - DEARCOLEEN -

Dear Coleen

My wife is very kind-hearted when it comes to peo­ple we hardly know, but at home she’s so un­happy.

If I start any kind of con­ver­sa­tion she’ll im­me­di­ately blow up with anger, even if I’m talk­ing about some­thing pos­i­tive. Her fuse is ex­tremely short and she can go from 0 to 60 in less than a sec­ond and gen­er­ally I have no idea what I’ve done. My stom­ach aches be­fore I walk into our house now.

My sug­ges­tions about coun­selling, anger man­age­ment, di­vorce and find­ing hap­pi­ness are a waste of time be­cause I can’t get a sin­gle sen­tence out with­out her los­ing the plot.

I am 17 years older than her and we’ve been to­gether 20 years. I’ve al­ways spoiled her with at­ten­tion and love, but not money.

I am at my wits’ end. Any sug­ges­tions?

Coleen says

I think in this case your ac­tions will speak louder than words. From now on, if she blows up, walk out of the room im­me­di­ately and don’t en­gage with her. Don’t sit there and take it.

If some­one won’t lis­ten, writ­ing a let­ter can be good. Tell her how you feel in the let­ter and be clear that, 20 years or not, you will walk out un­less she’s will­ing to change her be­hav­iour and dis­cuss your re­la­tion­ship like a grown-up.

Let’s face it, she doesn’t sound happy ei­ther.

The thing is, you can’t solve a prob­lem be­tween two peo­ple on your own. The other per­son has to be will­ing to try.

If she won’t make the ef­fort, then you have to ask your­self if you can put up with this sit­u­a­tion for the rest of your life.

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