Too afraid to ‘be positive’ over my cancer treatment
Dear Coleen
I am just about to start cancer treatment. I’m really worried and fed up, because everyone around me keeps telling me that ‘it’s all going to be OK’ and that I ‘need to be more positive’. It’s driving me crazy.
At the moment, I still feel so stunned by the whole thing.
Sometimes I feel like I’m letting everyone down because I just can’t come out like a fighter right now.
I feel like such a coward, especially as you hear about people who climb mountains and run marathons while having treatment – and I feel like a gibbering wreck. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me?
Coleen says
There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel and you are not a coward at all. It’s completely natural to feel scared and stunned but, as with everything in life, people handle situations differently. There is no right or wrong way to behave when you’re told you have cancer and need treatment. Do I think you need to be positive? Yes, but there will be days when you don’t feel like that and it’s OK to say it. Don’t feel you always have to be strong and brave in front of everyone.
And even if you find one person you can confide in and in front of whom you don’t have to be strong, that’s all you need. You could also ask your GP or hospital doctors about counselling for some extra support and to provide an outlet for your feelings.
I think your friends and relatives mean well, but they’re obviously worried, too, and probably don’t want to admit that to you (and themselves), so they are trying to buoy you up by being relentlessly positive.
I’ve had to see my sisters have cancer treatment and there were times I wanted to sob, but I didn’t want to feel I was letting them down. So I always tried to be positive.
I’m sure that’s how your loved ones feel, too, but it’s for you to tell them how you really feel and how you want them to be around you.