FALLING FOR my Ex – It’s not mutual

Dear Coleen

I’ve been sleeping with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up last May and he went on to date a girl he had been friends with.

Last August, they split up and we became really close again, although nothing more than good mates.

It was in November that we started flirting and one day I went round to his place and we ended up sleeping together, and we’ve been doing it regularly ever since.

My problem is, I’ve started to have proper feelings for him again. I’ve told him how I feel, but he doesn’t feel the same.

He still loves this other girl, but she lives at the other end of the country, which is why they broke up.

I need to cut this off to stop myself getting hurt but it feels like I’d be losing my best friend.

Coleen says

He’s seeing you as friend with benefits and nothing more. I’m not putting him down as that’s how things started up again and he’s also been honest with you about how he feels.

But you have to think about yourself and the long term. If you’re not going to ever be more than friends, then the sensible thing is to stop having sex with him. If you carry on the way you are and this girl comes back or he starts seeing another girl, then you’ll end up feeling used and hurt.

I’m sure he’s happy to carry on with the way things are, so the ball is in your court.

I think you probably need time out from the friendship until you’ve moved on a bit and are feeling stronger, and are less likely to end up in bed with him.