I’m so upset he won’t renew wedding vows
Dear Coleen
My husband and I have a big wedding anniversary coming up in the next few months – it’s our 30th. When our 25th rolled around I really wanted a vow renewal, a party and a lovely dress. My husband knew I wanted it, but because of work it didn’t happen. I was, and am, still hurt and upset about it.
I have been talking for the past year about our 30th, and it looks like nothing is going to happen on this occasion either. My husband just says the kids should do something, but they aren’t interested.
Now, I’m a very lucky woman. We’ve been married since we were 18, we love each other and have healthy, happy children and grandchildren.
We didn’t have the big fancy wedding – it was just a “make do” kind of thing and my poor mum did the best she could under the circumstances.
Now I don’t know if I’m more upset about not having a beautiful vow renewal or that I want it so bad and everyone knows it, but just doesn’t seem to care!
Coleen says
I want to give you a big hug because I can feel how much you want it and I think it probably is something to do with the fact you felt a bit cheated first time round when you were teenagers and had no money to spend on a lavish wedding. You want your fairytale!
Look, it’s very hard to force someone into something like this and even if your husband eventually agreed to it, you’d know it was because you nagged him and not because he wanted it.
Some people don’t like being the centre of attention and causing lots of fuss and maybe that’s where your husband is coming from. I’m sure it has nothing to do with him not being 100% committed to you. You sound as if you have a wonderful marriage and a lovely family life, which lots of people would give their right arm for.
I think instead of constantly talking about it, ask him why he’s not into it. And if it is because he feels awkward about public declarations of love, then why not suggest doing something together, like a celebratory holiday?