Confused about my sexuality

Dear Coleen

I have a boyfriend and, although we’ve had sex a lot, I’ve never reached orgasm. When I watch adult movies with lesbians, I get really turned on by it. I’ve also had a crush on another girl recently.

I think I’m straight, though, as my personality and my look is pretty girly. At the same time, I like wearing quite androgynous clothes sometimes. I just feel so confused right now – I don’t know what I like.

I have also been dreaming and fantasising about being with another girl. I have no idea what that feels like, but I just have the urge to try it out. Can you offer any advice?

Coleen says

I think you should stop worrying so much and trying to make yourself fit into a certain box. You don’t say how old you are, but you’re obviously young and at a stage where you’re exploring and finding out who you are and what you like.

If it’s not working with your boyfriend, then don’t hang in there – walk away. You don’t need to tell him you’re confused about your sexuality, just that you’re not ready for a serious relationship. It’s OK to experiment – you might fantasise about women but, when comes down to it, it might not be for you.

But don’t try to work out your sexual preference based on how you look and the clothes you like – that has nothing to do with it.

You might even decide you’re bisexual and don’t fit into any box 100% and that’s OK, too.