He will only Have sex if i lose weight

Dear Coleen

I have been in a gay relationship for two and a half years. When we met I was very overweight, but our sex life was great.

Last year I lost 6st and felt much better, but recently I have started to put a lot of weight back on, which I know I need to work on.

For about a year now our sex life has been going downhill and for the past few months we haven’t had sex at all. My partner refused to talk about it, but he’s finally admitted the reason was my weight gain.

I’m hurt and confused as I was bigger than I am now when we met. He admitted he’ll only find me attractive if I lose a ridiculous amount of weight and become skinny and toned. Should I leave?

Coleen says

Yes, if the only reason he’ll stay with you is if you’re skinny and toned. If it just boils down to looks with him, then what happens when you both get older and get wrinkles and lose your hair?

Life and relationships aren’t perfect and he doesn’t strike me as someone you could rely on when things aren’t hunky dory.

As for the weight loss – do it for yourself because it’s something that will boost your health and your self-esteem. Don’t do it because he’s threatening to leave if you don’t.

Also, I suspect if you feel more confident about yourself, you’ll feel more able to decide what you want from this relationship (if anything) and do what’s right for you.