My abusive MUM is back in uk
Dear Coleen
My emotionally abusive mother was living abroad but, now she is in her 70s, she has returned to the UK to move to the city where I live with my husband and children.
It took a lot of effort for me to leave her control – she faked illnesses to stop me moving out, she sent hate mail to friends of mine and harassed them over the phone, asking them to stay away. In the end, for my own sanity, I left in my 20s.
However, now she is playing the vulnerable homeless elderly woman card.
She has a house abroad, which is proving difficult to sell and I am now feeling guilty. Should I help? If I do, it will possibly affect my children as last time she told
Coleen says
It could be an opportunity to build bridges with her and she may even have mellowed with age. Perhaps her moving back is a sign that she wants to make peace with you. However, I think it’s important that you feel in control, so you have to set boundaries to protect your wellbeing and your life with your own family.
So perhaps think about what those boundaries might be – what could you put in place so you can have some kind of relationship with your mother or at least help her to settle back, but still protect yourself?
It seems like lots of things have gone unsaid over the years, and I’m sure it would really help you to tell her how she made you feel.
I’d suggest doing it in a counselling set-up so there’s a mediator present and, if she really does want to repair your broken relationship and take responsibility for her behaviour, then she might agree to it.