I’M Sad that I’ll never be a grandma

Dear Coleen

I’ve recently turned 70 and I’m desperate to be a grandmother.

All my friends have grandchildren already and their lives revolve around them.

Inevitably, whenever we’re out, they talk about what they’ve been up to with their grandchildren and I can never join in.

My son is 35 and gay, and he and his partner don’t seem interested in having a family – they both have busy jobs and travel the world.

My daughter, who’s 38, is single and has always been vocal about the fact she never wants children. She has a job as a scientist, is very happy and has a big circle of friends.

Is it normal to feel like this? I hate feeling jealous of my friends and I feel like my life has ground to a halt.

Coleen says

I understand that longing and I also get why you feel a bit angry and cheated. So I think what you’re feeling is pretty normal.

But you can’t let it take over your life – it’s something you have no control over. And, when it boils down to it, I’m sure you wouldn’t want your children to have babies just to make you happy.

What comes across for me in your letter is how happy and successful your kids are – you should feel very proud of yourself and of them. And there’s always a chance your kids might change their minds on starting families.

Why not confide in your friends about how you’re feeling? I’m sure they’d be a bit more sensitive if they knew, and they may even ask you if you fancy joining them on days out with their grandchildren.