I’m pregnant and worried marriage is a step too far
Dear Coleen
I’m 17 and about to get married. I got pregnant a few months ago and decided it was the right thing to do.
My parents said I didn’t have to get married, and I had to persuade my dad to give his permission which he eventually did. But I’m starting to reconsider things.
My fiance is 21 and keeps telling me how lucky I am that someone like him wants to marry someone like me. I’ll admit I’m no Jennifer Lawrence, but I never thought I was ugly. He also said I couldn’t have my best friends at the wedding because he doesn’t like them, even though he’s never met them. We were having a row about this and I said that I didn’t want to marry him if this is how it’ll be, so he lay in the road and said he’d kill himself if I left him.
I was hysterical and begged him to get up, and promised I’d stay with him. My dad is still trying to talk me out of the wedding, and I’m starting to think he’s right. My boyfriend is usually lovely and funny and makes me happy, but I don’t like it when he behaves like this. What do you suggest?
Coleen says
I would suggest you listen to your dad and don’t get married.
Your boyfriend doesn’t sound mature enough right now to take on this kind of commitment. He’s showing signs of being controlling by not allowing your friends to come to the wedding and putting you down. Quite frankly, he sounds desperate.
You’re 17 and, just because you’re having a baby, it doesn’t mean you have to get married. You can carry on dating your boyfriend to see how the relationship develops once the baby arrives, and you can still co-parent.
It all feels too much too soon to me, and I think you should take a deep breath and a big step back, focus on the baby and then see where things stand once you’ve been parents for a few months.
If you’re worried about how he’s going to react to the news, get support from both sets of parents. Why not have a family meeting to discuss things so your parents can step in to offer advice and reassurance?
But please don’t get married as a knee-jerk reaction to your pregnancy and because you think you should.
It sounds as if your parents are being supportive, which is the most important thing.