She dumped me out of the blue and vanished
Dear Coleen
I’m a 53-year-old openly gay woman who, up until seven weeks ago, was in a very loving relationship with my beautiful (also openly gay) 50-year-old old girlfriend. She sold her home to move in with me and we were so in love.
She was the kindest, most loving and generous woman I’d ever met and my best friend, too. I thought we had everything to look forward to.
That was until five days after booking an exotic holiday when she came home and said: “I’m empty. I can’t do this any more.”
She ended it and my world crashed around me. She was so cold I didn’t recognise her – it was surreal – and I had a total meltdown trying to figure out why! It was so out of the blue and I still can’t get my head around it.
I begged for her to at least agree to see me in a few months’ time to explain why, but she said there would be no point. It’s killing me not knowing. I haven’t been able to contact her, as she’s blocked my calls and messages and I have no idea where she is. I’ve been left wondering if what we had was even real and I just want closure so I can move on. Was she lying to me the whole time – surely I would have known?
Coleen says
It’s painful when a relationship ends and you don’t want it to, and even more so when it’s sudden and you have no idea why.
But the fact is, she’s decided for whatever reason that it’s done, so it’s pointless to torture yourself with questions.
She obviously had reasons – maybe she’s met someone else or perhaps moving in with you made her realise she didn’t want that commitment.
However, she’s taken the coward’s way out by leaving without an explanation. It’s a way of deflecting her guilt.
I’m sure she did love you when you were together, but something changed along the way.
Having been dumped several times myself, I know that pain but I also know it’s possible to be happy again.
So try really hard to focus on the positive things in your life and building on those – that’s the best way of moving on, not waiting for an explanation that you may never get.