A little less Spiel... more action please
A MASSIVE step forward for equality this week, with filmmaker Steven Spielberg acknowledging that he could remake Indiana Jones with a woman in the lead role.
“We’d have to change the name from Jones to Joan. And there would be nothing wrong with that,” he said. Gee thanks, Steve.
He’s right, of course – he is a man, after all. Obviously he’d have to change the name, as a woman with the surname Jones is unfeasible and audiences just wouldn’t buy it.
But why stop at Indiana Joan? There are plenty more films that could be reimagined, just as Steven suggests...
Dirty Harriet
Horror movie about a woman who goes to bed without taking her make-up off.
Sally Potter
A young girl goes to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and studies for many years. As soon as she’s fully qualified, she is burned at the stake.
Allie
Set in the Sixties, the story of a stylish, confident woman who plays the field, juggling a succession of different men. Of course, Allie ends up alone, bitter, barren and miserable, having well and truly learnt the lesson that being a slag never pays.
Thor-a
A biopic of that Greek Goddess of the acting world, Ms Hird.
Milly Wonka and The Chocolate Factory
A business goes bust when the owner eats all the stock because you know what women are like with chocolate.
Robyn Hood
A fashionista from the ghetto gives people feedback on their outfits, regardless of their class – robbing attitude from the rich and giving style tips to the poor.
Goodgals
A gangster movie about some women who don’t get involved in a life of crime because that’s just not what ladies do, is it?
Jennifer Lawrence of Arabia
Intimate documentary about the Oscar-winning actress taking a trip to the Middle East.
When Carrie Met Sally
A comedy about two women who fall in love, but probably only because they haven’t met the right man.
Good Jill Hunting
A cleaner who is secretly not bad at maths works through her issues with a therapist because you know how women love to talk.
Bren-hur
Brenda – Bren to her friends – Hur’s actions send herself and her family into slavery. Then she has an encounter with Jesus which changes everything... because she marries him and he sorts everything out for her, of course.
Dawn Of The Dead
Horror story about a woman who goes out of the house without doing her hair and make-up first.
Lily Elliot
A coal miner’s daughter loves ballet. So she does ballet. The end.
Julia Caesar
A woman in her rightful place – the kitchen – invents a salad.
Geraldine Maguire
A shallow sports agent tries to introduce some integrity at work, and gets the sack for it. But then she meets a nice man, gets married and doesn’t need to worry her silly little head about having a career anyway, so it’s all fine.
Mad Maxine
It’s probably that time of the month, eh?
Thor-a... a biopic of the Greek Goddess, Ms Hird