HAD MY IVF BABY BUT STRUGGLING

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman aged 41 and nearly three years ago I left a very good and highly paid job to give myself the best chance of being a mum.

I had tried and failed to get pregnant naturally, so after leaving work behind I underwent IVF and, thankfully, it worked and my husband and I now have a beautiful son, who’s 18 months.

The thing is, I’m really struggling being at home on my own with the baby, but how can I admit it to my husband (and everyone else) after trying to so hard for years to have a child and walking away from a job I loved?

I feel stressed, cut off and I’m desperate to be back in the working world.

I had to practically force my husband to go through fertility treatment (even though he’s now the best dad ever), so I’m not sure how sympathetic he’ll be.

Coleen says

I think you need to stop giving yourself such a hard time. Because you tried so hard to have a baby, you’re thinking, “how can I leave him with someone else and go back to work?” I’m not sure this is about other people – I think it’s about you feeling guilty, but there’s absolutely no need for it.

No one’s going to think you’re a bad parent for going back to work, so give yourself permission to do it if it’s what you really want.

I also think you’re selling your hubby a bit short – why wouldn’t he be supportive?

Talk to him about it.

As long as you can both manage and afford childcare, and your son is being well looked after, I can’t see why he’d object.

I think you’re beating yourself up unnecessarily. Most new mums struggle initially to get the balance right between home, work and self-care – it’s completely normal – but you just have to try things out and see what works for you.