Is It time to split & move on?

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, although we’ve split up on several occasions during that time. We have a gorgeous 18-month-old daughter and I’m starting to think she’s the only reason we’re still together.

My partner is more keen to make things work than I am, as I worry it’s going to be impossible to truly move on from the past and the fact that we’ve both slept with other people during and while taking breaks from the relationship.

It just feels so tainted and it feels like hard work. I’m sure both of us would do better if we were with other people, but we’re just too scared to make the leap.

What do you think?

Coleen says

Well, it sounds like you’ve been trying to make it work for four years and now you’re looking for permission to end the relationship and move on.

I think you probably feel some guilt around your daughter and breaking up the family home, but you have to think of the long term and the possibility of bringing her up in a home that’s not happy and where her parents are always taking breaks from each other.

Perhaps you have to accept that you’re better off as friends – but you can still be wonderful parents to your daughter, especially if you work together to make her life loving, happy and secure.

If you haven’t already tried relationship therapy, you could try it before throwing in the towel (visit accord.ie). I think it’s worth a shot, but if you don’t want to be in this relationship, then it’s OK to admit it. And your daughter will be fine because you’ll both see to it that she is.