I feel threatened by his ex

Dear Coleen

My husband is turning 50 this summer and he told me he wants to celebrate by having a weekend away with his university mates and their partners.

The thing is, two of his mates are actually old flames – one woman he dated seriously for nearly a decade during and after uni, and the other one he had a short fling with. It’s the former that really bothers me. Both of them are married with kids.

Over the years we’ve all had the odd night out together and it’s been fine, but I’m worried that a whole weekend away might feel awkward (and there’s nowhere to escape to!) Am I silly for feeling a bit jealous or insecure about this?

Coleen says

It’s been more than 30 years since they all started uni together and all of them have moved on and built lives with partners and kids, so I don’t think you should feel threatened.

I think when we know our partner really cared for someone, as your husband cared for his girlfriend of 10 years, it’s natural to think about their relationship and if any of those feelings still linger. But while I’m sure there’s a fondness there and a long-standing friendship, they split for a reason.

I think you should have more confidence in yourself – he chose to be with you and you’re the one he loves. Enjoy your holiday and don’t feel intimidated by it.

It’s a one-off thing and he doesn’t expect you to socialise with this woman all the time.