Nervous to have sex WHILE sober

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman aged 28 and have recently started seeing a really great man who I’ve known socially for a while.

I like him a lot and think this could be it in terms of marriage, babies, the whole shebang!

My problem is, I’m so nervous when it comes to sex. We’ve made love a few times now, but only after we’ve been to the pub and I’ve got blind drunk.

Before this relationship I’d been single for five years. I went on lots of holidays to Ibiza with my friends, partied at weekends and had lots of short-lived flings and one-night stands.

I’m worried my partner is going to pick up on the fact I’m so nervous and it’s going to affect things. Any advice?

Coleen says

It’s obvious you really like this guy a lot, so I think that’s part of it. You didn’t care about those other flings – it was just about sex, wrapped up in partying.

And I think you’ve probably also just got into the habit of drinking before hooking up – perhaps all part of losing your inhibitions – but now you’re in a different situation you do have to break that cycle.

If you don’t, you won’t be able to fully enjoy sex and build intimacy with your partner, and you won’t remember half of it the next day either!

I get that you’re nervous because this means so much to you, but he’ll be nervous too. It’s a brand-new relationship, so it’s about finding your way together.

The more relaxed you become in each other’s company, the more relaxed and natural sex will be. And if you’ve been doing it drunk for the past five years, trust me, it’ll be mindblowing sober!