POLLYOMETER

Going up... One Nell of a stretch Elephant yoga sounds like an irritating new trend, or a punchline... but it’s actually just what it says it is. Three elderly ex-circus performers at a zoo in Arkansas, USA, were at risk from arthritis, and this is their imaginative carers’ way of preventing it. Apparently the youngest one, Babe, 42, does an elephant version of Downward Dog. Hard for that not to make you happy on a few different levels.

Full snored

If you’re not a sufferer, it can sound like a diamond-shoestoo-tight situation... but now, finally, some help for people who can’t sleep if it’s too quiet. A UK hotel chain is offering a lullaby service to help you nod off – choose from ‘Washing machine in the distance’, ‘Free moving traffic’ via ‘Radiator pipes’ and, er, ‘Gardening programme’. Going down... Mental dentals You could almost applaud the person who thought of these – because they’re definitely original... if only they weren’t so vile. Good for improving personal efficiency though – if you had to fight for something tooth and nail you could do it with one hand.

Why fronts?

Obviously it’s extremely irresponsible not to care about the environment and we should all be committed to reducing water waste. But these new pants which use technology to kill bacteria meaning you can wear them for several days at a time?