Wife Won’t let me take new job

Dear Coleen

I’ve recently been offered a new job – the pay is better and so are the prospects – but my wife is giving me a really hard time about it.

I’ll have to commute by train, which I don’t have to do at the moment, which means I’ll have to leave earlier and get home later. She’s not happy about that as we have two young kids and she’d be doing bedtime every night, but I’d be doing this for the benefit of our whole family.

She just won’t see how this could be good for us in the long term.

She gave up work after our youngest was born and I think she’s resentful that my career has carried on. But now I’d be earning more, I can cover the cost of childcare so she can return to work. But she’s still not happy with that solution!

I feel like I can’t do right for doing wrong – any advice?

Coleen says

I think you’ve been reasonable and thought things out, and she hasn’t really come up with any real reasons as to why you shouldn’t take on this new job.

If, as you suggest, it comes down to dissatisfaction with her own life, then she needs to talk to you about it honestly and think about what would improve her happiness, or what she needs to do to rejoin the workforce.

If you turn down this great opportunity, it could cause resentment and become a real obstacle in your relationship.

If I were you, I’d say you’re taking the job for the benefit of everyone, but if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, then you’ll look forsomething else.

And, in the meantime, she can turn her focus to thinking about what she’d like to do, whether it’s a course or a job.