My dream guy could get me out of a dull marriage
Dear Coleen
I have been married for a year and, while my husband is a nice guy, he doesn’t seem to want much out of life and things with him are very dull.
We were together for two years before getting married and I thought he was enough for me, but now I’m starting to doubt it.
There’s an added complication in that I’ve found myself being very attracted to another man. He’s someone I met recently on a residential course and I haven’t been able to stop thinking of him since.
It was obvious there was electricity between us, but neither of us acted on it as we both have partners.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this strongly about someone before – certainly not my husband – and I don’t know what to do about it.
I want to get in touch with this guy and ask him outright how he feels about me and if he wants to take things further. And, if he does, do I just leave my husband?
I’m not the impulsive sort, but I’m finding it hard to ignore these feelings. Please advise.
Coleen says
I think you have to be careful not to pin everything on this guy – you hardly know him. I think the way you’re feeling is a lot to do with what he represents, which is excitement. Marriage hasn’t been what you expected and this guy embodies everything you’re missing – he offers the possibility of something different from the monotony you feel at home.
Before you run off into the sunset with him you need to give some proper thought to your marriage and why you’re already feeling like you want out. Is it really all down to your husband? Have you stopped communicating with each other? Are you both feeling in a rut sexually?
You were only together two years before marrying, so there must have been passion and excitement there in the early days. And you loved him enough to walk down the aisle and make those vows in front of your friends and family.
Unless that was all a charade, I would make some effort to get your marriage back on track before throwing in the towel, and I think therapy would be a good idea.
Once you start talking to him about it, you might find that he feels the same and is willing to make the effort to get your relationship working again.