Ex using son as bait to lure me back

Dear Coleen

I was seeing a woman for two years but it wasn’t long before she became really jealous, possessive and generally awful to live with.

She’d come out of a bad relationship and I think I bore the brunt of it. She even lashed out at me physically a few times for absolutely nothing.

My friends and family really didn’t like her and were very relieved when I ended it. But that wasn’t the end unfortunately – she’s constantly trying to win me back with phone calls, texts, emails, gifts – you name it. She also has a gorgeous son, who I became very attached to and she dangles him like a carrot, too.

She keeps saying how much he misses me. I don’t know what to do. Of course, she has a lovely side to her, but she’s not in the right place for a relationship. Yet I sometimes feel myself being drawn back into her web. What’s your advice?

Coleen says

I’m seeing red flags and hearing alarm bells, so my advice would be to stick to your decision and keep moving forward.

Of course it’s sad you formed a relationship with her son and now don’t see him, but if your ex was so concerned about that, she might have let you see him or at least allowed you to communicate via emails or letters instead of using her child as a bargaining tool.

I don’t think she is ready to have a relationship – and, if you start to doubt that, ask your friends and family to remind you how miserable you were when you were with her.

You sound like a nice guy and I can tell that you feel bad ending it, but it was an unhealthy relationship.

It sounds like she needs time and perhaps also therapy to help her deal with the fallout from her previous relationship before she gets involved with someone else.