I’M ANXIOUS ABOUT MOVE TO NEW TOWN

Dear Coleen

If you asked 100 people who know me – if I actually knew that many – 90% would probably say I’m shy and quiet, while 10% would say you could have a laugh with me.

My problem is, I will be relocating to a new area soon and I’m worried about whether I’ll fit in. Lately, I’ve started reading about social anxiety and I’m now convinced I suffer from it, even though I’m not bad at chatting sometimes. I just always seem to wait for someone else to break the ice first. I really want to change this and be more outgoing.

I’d be grateful for any advice.

Coleen says

OK, what’s great here is that you’re making a fresh start in a new area where no one knows you or has any clue about what you’re like as a person. So you can work on that 10% where you can be more relaxed and outgoing, and make people laugh. All that stuff is there – you just have to start tipping the balance, so it’s more of a 50/50 split.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet and lots of people are shy at social events – many of them just don’t show it.

I’m pretty shy, which I know sounds odd when I’m on the telly spouting my opinions, but in social situations I’m quite reserved unless I know people really well.

What I’ve learnt over the years is that you can act more confidently than you feel – try it. Be a little braver and it’ll get easier.

It might also be worth finding out about cognitive behavioural therapy which is very effective for anxiety issues.