FANTASISING ABOUT MY PARTNER’S DAD

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for two years now and I’m completely in love with him. However, over the past month I have started to see his father in a new light and I’ve begun to have feelings for him.

Every time I see him, I think of us kissing and sleeping together, and I even get jealous of his wife. Every time I stay over and hear them having sex through the walls, it hurts me so much. I have even started to feel like the passion is fading in my relationship.

I don’t know what to do because I truly would never hurt my boyfriend – he is just perfect for me. This has really taken a toll though, in that I barely enjoy spending time with him and I feel guilty for not explaining how I feel.

Please help.

Coleen says

I’m not sure your boyfriend really is “perfect” for you or that you’re “completely in love”.

I don’t think you’d be getting this obsessed with his dad if that was the case. Of course we all find other people attractive, whether we’re in a relationship or not, but you can’t stop thinking about this man, you feel jealous of his wife and it’s having an impact on your own relationship.

So you have to be really honest with yourself about why you’re having those feelings. It’s a dangerous situation to be in, so at the very least I’d spend a lot more time away from your boyfriend’s family home – I certainly wouldn’t sleep over – and see how you feel about your boyfriend.

However, I think if you’re fantasising about his dad and feel upset that he’s having sex with his wife, as nice as your boyfriend might be, I don’t think he’s the one.