MY ADULT KIDS ARGUE ALL THE TIME

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman of 74 and have a son and daughter both in their 40s who have two children each of their own.

My husband passed away last year and things have been awful between my children since then. They’ve always been competitive with each other – sibling rivalry I suppose – but it’s reached new heights since their father’s death.

My son and his family come to stay a lot and my daughter hates it – she complains there’s never any time for her and that he’s selfish for demanding so much of my time. He thinks she’s spoilt and quick tempered and so it goes on.

I just wish they would get along, but I fear it’ll never happen.

Any thoughts?

Coleen says

Emotions are heightened at times of grief, which is why I think the rivalry between your son and daughter has gone up a level. However, that doesn’t make it any easier for you to bear, especially when you’re grieving too.

I think perhaps you’ll have to step in and be the parent – sit them both down like you did when they were at primary school and explain how their fighting is upsetting you and how you want to find a solution so you can all get along better.

Shame them into acting like grown-ups!

What’s unfortunate is that they both have kids, who I’m sure love seeing each other, and it would be a shame if their parents’ petty disputes ruined things for them. So it’s worth making that point too.

Perhaps you can also arrange a few family get-togethers where everyone is invited to try to smooth the way.