HE CALLS ME PALS’ NAMES DURING SEX

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for two years and, at first, things were great in the bedroom and we had a regular and enjoyable sex life.

However, for the past few months things have been different. He’s obsessed with the idea of a threesome, which I’ve told him I’m not interested in at all, and when we’re actually making love, he likes to call me different names, including the names of some of my friends!

I don’t know if that’s deliberate or just coincidence. This is obviously turning him on, but it’s turning me off and I feel really devalued and upset.

He also never takes the time to do what I like in bed, so the result is that I try to avoid sleeping with him wherever possible.

What do you suggest?

Coleen says

And you’re with him why, exactly? He’s selfish in bed and also behaving in a way that’s clearly making you feel disrespected. I imagine you’ve told him how you feel about sex. If not, you should.

Open a dialogue and see how he reacts. Ask him if he’d rather be having sex with other women because that’s how he’s making you feel.

The thing about sexual fantasies is that you both have to enjoy it. It’s never going to work if only one of you is having a good time. Yes, it’s nice to give pleasure to your partner, even if it’s doing something you’re not that into and vice versa – but in your case it’s very much a one-way street.

There are plenty of other guys you can get all that with. If you carry on, imagine how you will feel several years down the line.