Nerves threaten my career

Dear Coleen

I’m a man in my 30s and

I’ve recently been promoted at work.

Socially, I’m really confident and in my job I’m the same when it’s one-toone or in small groups.

However, I have a paralysing fear of addressing a large room of people, which I’m having to do more and more in my new role.

Every time, my mind goes blank, my mouth dries up and I feel the walls closing in on me.

So far, I’ve got away with it – none of my bosses have mentioned it to me – but I’m not enjoying my job any more.

Why do I turn into a wreck when I’m normally such a confident and easy-going person?

Coleen says

Look, standing up in front of a big group of people and delivering a talk is a real skill.

Yes, there will be a few people who are naturally brilliant at it, but most of us have to learn how to become good at it through doing it a lot.

Practise makes perfect! It sounds as if you’re really valued at work, so why not ask about courses you can go on to learn techniques for public speaking and build your confidence?

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is also really effective when it comes to dealing with situations that trigger anxiety in you.

And stop beating yourself up over this – like you said, no one has given you any negative feedback after a talk, so it’s likely that you’re not coming across as anxious as you feel.

A little tool that I use sometimes if I’m nervous is to just admit it and make a joke about it. This immediately takes the edge off my anxiety and I can relax into things a bit more.

Good luck.