Wife Won’t accept i’ve lost my job

Dear Coleen

I got married a few months ago although I’ve been with my wife for five years. I’m in love with her and we’ve always been great mates, but at the moment I’m sick and tired of her selfishness.

I lost my job six weeks ago and, since then, she’s been out partying a lot, drinking too much, staying over with friends and spending money like it’s going out of fashion.

I still haven’t found work, so we live on her wages, and whenever I bring up the fact that money is tight and we need to be careful, she just gets angry and won’t discuss it. What can I do?

Coleen says

It sounds as if most of this fallout comes down to you losing your job – and it’s a very stressful thing to cope with.

It’s difficult for you if you’ve been used to working and helping to provide for you both and naturally you’re going to feel low. And while you’re feeling like this, your impression is that she’s not being supportive. Instead, she’s shut herself off and is out all the time, spending what little money you do have.

However, I think this could be her way of dealing with the stress and uncertainty – ie not dealing with it at all and pretending it hasn’t happened. So I think you have to be honest about how you’re feeling, that your confidence is low and you’d like her support.

And, in the meantime, don’t give up on the job hunt. If you keep trying, something will turn up. Even if it’s a stopgap it’ll boost your selfesteem. You have to start dealing with this as a team and not individually. Good luck.