We both had sex With others

Dear Coleen

My soon-to-be wife confessed recently that she slept with two men when we were taking a break from our relationship. As she’d been honest with me, I decided to tell her about the women I’d dated and slept with.

I didn’t expect the reaction I got – she went totally mad and started to cry!

She’s having a very hard time dealing with it and I have no idea how I can help her move on.

In my opinion she’s being hypocritical, and my friends all agree. How can it be OK for her and not for me?

What can I do? I don’t want to start married life like this.

Coleen says

This is the reason why anyone contemplating “going on a break” needs to establish the ground rules before they do it. Do you have the freedom to see other people or is it a chance to spend time on your own and reflect on your relationship and if you want to make it work?

I think the only way to approach it is to make the point that it’s an even playing field and you have the opportunity to start afresh and move on from it. And that time apart dating other people has confirmed that you want to be together.

Acknowledge that you don’t want to be in that situation again, put it behind you and focus on the future.

And if she can’t, then she shouldn’t be getting married. This is something you need to resolve or you risk walking down the aisle resenting each other.