Friends have stopped being fun

Dear Coleen

I’m 24 and feeling a little lost. I’m part of a group of six friends and we’ve been best friends all the way through school.

We used to go out clubbing and partying every weekend and had a great time at university, visiting each other all the time.

When we graduated and moved back to our home town we kept going out partying every weekend, but slowly the rest of them have found full-time jobs and serious boyfriends.

Gradually, they don’t want to go out at the weekend any more and every time I suggest clubbing or drinks they invite me round to their flats for dinner instead.

Last weekend we actually did have a night out together and at midnight when everybody wanted to go home rather than go on to a club, I called them boring. Then my best friend told me I need to stop getting so drunk and making a fool of myself. I think I’m losing all my best friends.

Coleen says

This is just the way life goes I’m afraid. Groups of friends mature and grow up at different times and in different ways, and sadly that means they sometimes grow apart.

Just because you’re single and want to go out every night doesn’t mean you’re immature. But it does mean you’re at a different life stage to all your friends. Soon they’ll probably be having babies and then you won’t be part of the baby club.

But rather than write off these friendships, why not look for some other friends who are a little more like-minded?

You don’t say where you work, but is there a social opportunity there? Could you go out more with your colleagues? Or join a gym and make friends there?

Could you move to another town or city where there would be more young people like you?

That way, you’d have fun, and have single friends to go out with while still keeping your old school friends. Friendships go up and down and while some fizzle out, others last a lifetime. But new friendships can also be great, so try to make some.