THE DIARY
★★★
Here’s how last night’s telly lined up for me: BBC2’S William Shakespeare sitcom Upstart Crow, followed by a Horizon documentary on lying, followed by the latest reality show from Gemma Collins.
The greatest storyteller in history, people that struggle to tell the truth, and 90 minutes of “the GC” in Marbella. A theme? I am merely telling you what I watched.
With Gemma, entertainment is often guaranteed. Unfortunately you soon realise nothing is ever quite as good as it sounds. When the narrator said, “Gemma is surrounded by those who love her” I had good money on seeing Gemma in her boutique changing room admiring herself in a mirror.
Instead, it was just a boring family party, with a pep talk from her dad that sounded like it was straight from her book How To Be A Diva.
Not that I’ve actually read it. Someone sent me a copy, but once I’d crossed out the A in Diva, my enjoyment couldn’t be topped.
The rest of the show had Gemma doing what she does best. Showing her fans how much she loves them, flogging merchandise and breaking up (again) with Arg.
What was the final straw? “He took me for lunch the other day and asked me to go halves.” Sounded like a fair offer to me. Chances are he’d still be down on the deal.
PS. Why is her shop called Gemma Collins Boutique? GC World, surely?